Snickers and a Coke

***Disclaimer: Today's post is long and it is not about art. It is completely me just letting my thoughts and emotions out...and that is exactly what I needed. ***

Today is July 20. A day when we will remember how one man’s actions changed the lives of more people than one could imagine. How, with one decision to disobey the rules, a life was taken and a family was hurt. That will never change.

What will change will be the people affected. They will grow up, they will find themselves, they will accomplish great things, they will learn from their mistakes, and they will remember. The hole never goes away, it never grows smaller, but with time the hurt is eventually accompanied by memories and joy. We will look back on our time spent with each other and smile.

*****

Dear Papa,

I remember the day that my life was changed forever perfectly. For two years I have thought about you everyday. I remember when Grandma showed up to our house and told dad that there was a wreck. Dad and grandma left. Kaitlynn was at practice. Mom was in town getting ready to fly to England that afternoon. Payton and I were the only ones at home and we were working on painting the bookshelf in my bedroom. I was trying to stay calm, but something just felt wrong. Grandma was in a hurry, dad had left immediately...and there was just a sense of uneasiness in the air. I tried getting a hold of my mom...she didn't answer. She called me back around 8:30 am. When I answered she didn't even say "hello". All she said was "Your Papa died in a wreck today." I was in shock, and for once in my life I couldn't bring words to my mouth. Mom heard my breathing start to get heavier and faster, "Paxton, you have to keep it together, you have Payton." I will never forget those words, just I will never forget that morning. She had told me that my aunts would be picking Payton and I up to go to town. I went to my room trying to figure out what one wears on a day like this...then I got Payton ready to go. We went to town, the trip was silent, and we drove down the back roads the whole way. When we got to town we went inside and I saw my Grandma crying uncontrollably. It was hard, she came over and hugged me, while mom and dad took Payton to tell him what happened. The rest of that day and week are a blur, with lots of tears, stories, family, and laughter. It's hard to believe that it has already been two years.

Two years of missed birthdays, my graduation, my first year of college, moving into my first apartment, my first serious boyfriend....I know you are watching from Heaven, and I know that I am never alone, but things were just better when you were here, in person. I miss you. There are so many things I wish to tell you, like how I changed my major to art and how I have made 9 memory books, all dedicated to you. I want to tell you how I have decided to look into art therapy because of you, about Rock the Sock...and so much more. One day we will have a lot of talking to do, and I am looking forward to it. Love you and miss you terribly.

Don't forget to tell the ones you love that you love them and let them know how much they mean to you--you never know when they will be taken away from you....and remember, it's the random reasons...